Farewell to My Sister

Words are not entirely adequate to express my love for my sister Vicki, my sorrow at her passing or my gratitude to all those who helped her on her journey, but here are the words I spoke at her “Celebration of Life” service.

Thank you to all of you for coming out today to celebrate my sister’s life.

I’ve actually had quite a while to reflect on what I wanted to say on this occasion, and I thank God for the 14 months we had after her diagnosis with an incredibly rare and impossibly aggressive cancer. It was a tough journey punctuated with moments of joy, and it brought me even closer to Vicki.

A number of years ago, after another funeral, someone questioned “Why is it that they try to make saints out of people when they die?” My first reaction was: Well, it’s human nature. We want remember the good times and dwell on the positive. But a very wise friend of mine had a different perspective, and I’d like to share it with you because it really resonated with me. She said, “When a person dies, they leave behind this earth, shed their mortal body and go to be with God in heaven. In that moment, they finally achieve perfection. So what better time to make a saint out of them?”

So in that spirit, I’d like to share a few stories about my imperfect, fallible, stubborn, flawed and absolutely wonderful sister, Vicki. This isn’t a biography—just some special memories that will, I hope, illustrate what she meant to me.

My first memory, I can’t really lay claim to as such. But it’s been part of my family lore and a story I’ve heard so often that I feel as though I do recall it. You see, it’s about the day I was born. I came into my family a little late it their lives. My parents were older, my brothers were 15 and 16, and Vicki was 18. I’ve heard tell that my mother was in no small measure of denial about her pregnancy—so much so that she was utterly unprepared for my actual arrival. So as I lay in the hospital with my mother, it was Vicki who went to town and lovingly purchased baby clothes and necessities, and made a place for me to come home to. In a way, that sums up my relationship with Vicki: to me, she was always a place to come home to.

Vicki loved beautiful things: jewel-toned clothes and matching shoes; all things Victorian; flowered china; and her home. Although she never had much in the way of material wealth, she always found a way to decorate her home, particularly for the seasons and holidays. And Christmas, by far, was her favorite. Each Thanksgiving, I’d ask her with eager anticipation, “Is this going to be a blue-and-silver Christmas, a fuchsia-and-gold Christmas or a red-poinsettia Christmas?” While other people were shopping on Black Friday, Vicki invariably decorated her home for Christmas from top to bottom. One, sometimes two trees, nativity scenes, floral swags, lighted villages, elaborate table settings, and more. Anyone who has ever seen her home at Christmas will have fond memories, I’m sure.

Vicki was steadfast and loyal. Some might have labeled her stubborn or obstinate, and they wouldn’t be wrong. Heaven help you if you were on the opposite side of an issue from Vicki. But by the same token, you couldn’t ask for a better person in your corner or on your side. When anything happened in my life—whether good or bad—Vicki was the first person I wanted to tell. Bringing good news to her always doubled my happiness—she truly rejoiced in my successes. And when something sad or upsetting had happened, I also ran to her. She was blessed with a great listening ear and wonderful crying shoulder. She’d let me talk it out, sympathize with me, and generally make me feel validated. But at the end, I could always count on her to say these four magic words: Let’s pray about it.

Vicki was a magnificent prayer warrior. There was nothing too great or too small for her to pray for. Over the years, we prayed about health, healing, family matters, work upsets, finances, school, even parking places. On our numerous trips to Stanford during Vicki’s treatment phase, as soon as we’d hit the ramp in the parking garage, she’d raise her hand and say, “Lord, we need a parking place.” And sure enough, there’d be one…by the elevator or by the door, just where we needed it. And any of you who’ve had to park at Stanford on a busy day knows what a miracle that was!

Vicki also supported me with scripture, and she had a few go-to verses, one of which has become my favorite. It’s Romans 8:28. Many of you know it. And most of you will recognize it when I say the first part of the verse: All things work together for the good for those who love the Lord. But Vicki was careful to recite the entire verse: All things work together for the good for those who love the Lord and who are called according to his purposes. Vicki showed me how simple yet powerful this verse was. The first part is about faith…having faith that no matter what happens, believing that it’s part of the tapestry that is God’s perfect plan. The second part is about us…we are called…we have a purpose. In simple terms, Vicki taught me that this verse meant that I need to do my part and trust God to do his. And throughout all the ups and downs, Vicki lived this verse. She certainly did her part: as a single-mom who made sure that her children had 100% of what they needed and most of what they wanted; and as a grandmother who sacrificed her retirement to raise her grandchildren. She did her part, too, when struck with cancer, seeking surgery and treatment. And when the cancer started to win the battle, instead of being angry or fearful about what was to come, she would comfort others.

During this time of grief, it’s hard to understand God’s plan. But I have seen his hand throughout this journey. Blessings large and small along the way. One of the biggest—and the one that gave Vicki the largest measure of peace—was finding a loving and wonderful home for her grandchildren.

In closing, I want to offer my heartfelt thanks to family and friends. Thank you for preparing meals, delivering meals and food for Vicki’s pantry; for making sure that Jaden and Autumn had rides to church on Wednesdays and Sundays; for rides to the doctor; for picking up prescriptions; for doing laundry and cleaning house; for visits and manicures and warm hats and shawls; for cards and prayers; for decorating her hospital room; for bringing her lemonade, Coca-Cola, and cherry cheesecake; for companionship; for coming today to remember her life.

Thank you for doing your part.

Christmas 2012

Dear Ones:

It’s been too long since my last letter. I fear some of you think that we’ve fallen off the grid. We’ve so enjoyed your cards, letters and pictures, and I’ve finally been able to carve out some time to reciprocate (and I thought I’d better get this in the mail before December 21^st, just in case the Mayan calendar is correct!). In the last three years, we’ve had laughter and loss, high adventure and dull routine, rough patches and smooth sailing—a little bit of everything.

At my last writing, Natalie was 14, a freshman just starting her high school career; now she’s 17, a senior, looking forward to graduation and college. Leland was 10, a 5^th grader in his last year of elementary school; now he’s 13, an 8^th grader approaching high school. This year, George and I celebrated the 25^th anniversary of our first date and our 23^rd wedding anniversary.

Growing, going, (almost) gone
At the end of her freshman year, Natalie decided that she wanted to be in the Jazz band; but they wouldn’t accept a stand-alone flute player. So what did Natalie do? She took up the trombone! The band was very thin on low brass, and Natalie has always wanted to play the trombone (in 5^th grade, I steered her away from it, since it was bigger than she was!). She took home a trombone over the 2010 summer, had some private lessons and started Jazz band in the fall (during “X” period, an early class that starts at 7am!). She transitioned to trombone in the marching and concert bands, as well, and has been loving it ever since.

Natalie has been active in sports, lettering in swimming and water polo (and let’s not forget band!). As a sophomore, she joined the swim team and was promoted to the varsity team that same season. Then as a junior she joined the water polo team, and she made varsity this year.

With a full class load, sports practices and games, and marching, concert and jazz band rehearsals and performances, Natalie’s a pretty busy girl. And we are, too—volunteering on the Salinas High Music Association, working the concession stands during football, bringing snacks, hauling kids and going to all the events!

Natalie went to her first Prom in the spring. In other rites of passage, she got her driver’s license in October and applied to colleges this fall. (She wants to stay in California, and we’ll know more after the New Year.) It’s hard to believe that this time next year, we’ll be welcoming her home from college!

We are fortunate to know a great mechanic (shout out to Mike Young of Young’s Speed and Custom!) who helped us find a couple of (cheap) cars we could piece together to make a decent vehicle for Nat. She helped with swapping out the engine and other parts, and proudly drives “Frankie” (short for Frankenstein), a 1995 Honda Civic with the “heart” of a ’99.

Leland will be 14 next month and has changed so much since my last letter—he’s several inches taller and his voice has dropped at least an octave! He earned the “Arrow of Light” as he graduated from Cub Scouts and is now in Boy Scouts. He’s a 1^stClass Scout, working on his “Star” scout rank, and George has remained active in scout leadership. Leland has camped, zip lined, caved, climbed, earned a number of merit badges and performed hours and hours of community service.

In school, Leland still loves science and math, and he’s working to stay on the honor roll to earn a special ribbon to wear at the 8^th grade promotion ceremony. He started playing the saxophone in elementary school; he has continued in middle school; and he’s looking forward to following in his sister’s footsteps at Salinas High. He’s attended every music event at SHS (football games with pep band and field shows, jazz concerts, parades, etc.), so he’s become familiar with the music teacher and some of the students that will still be there in the fall of 2013! Last year, he also joined the choir at school, and this year he is part of the CCS Honor Choir that will perform in January 2013.

He still loves video games and would play them without ceasing if not interrupted by things like food, homework, sleeping and school! But his worlds of music and video games converged this week, when Leland and I attended “Legend of Zelda: Symphony of the Goddesses” at San Jose Civic. The venue was terrific, the conductor, musicians and choir were wonderful, the music was inspiring, and the accompanying imagery from the Zelda game franchise was remarkable.

In sports, Leland decided that baseball wasn’t really his game, but he returned to soccer, playing for the Buena Vista Bobcats for the last three seasons—the team has always been the underdog, but I’ve never met a group of boys with more heart! He’s also taken up track as a spring sport. This past season was especially interesting. Our little school doesn’t really have anything in the way of field equipment—our kids just get to run! But at the first track meet, when they announced the field events, Leland decided he wanted to try the high jump. A very brave decision to try something for the first time…at a competition…in front of a hundred other middle-schoolers! He watched the others carefully and then attempted it, himself. And he cleared the first couple of heights! After that, he continued to participate in the event, with his only “practice” being at the actual track meets.

Happy Trails!
We’ve enjoyed some wonderful trips in our 5^th-wheel trailer. My last Christmas letter cataloged our trip through the southwest in 2009. Since then, we led a caravan to Yellowstone in the summer of 2010, with four other families (Mika Sr., Young, Whitney and Connor), and a total of 16 people! It was an unforgettable trip in so many ways. Our adventure began when we went over the Grand Teton Pass (a 10% grade) and three of the five vehicles in our group needed a brake job when we got to the other side! We admired the Grand Tetons, floated down the Snake River, explored the many and varied areas of Yellowstone, saw countless buffalo and elk (and even a few bears), fished, hiked, and enjoyed many wonderful meals together. On our way home, we ventured through the Craters of the Moon National Monument in Idaho and visited the Bonneville Salt Flats in Utah.

In the summer of 2011, we traveled with a smaller group—two other families (Mika Sr. and Young) and a total of 9 people—through the Pacific Northwest, driving up the coast of Oregon, strolling through downtown Astoria, stopping to see the sights in Forks, Washington (home of the Twilightseries), and wandering the pebbled beaches, lakes, rainforest and snowy peaks that make up the Olympic National Park. We took a ferry and played in Seattle for an afternoon, where Natalie “caught” a fish at the Pike’s Place Market, we sipped coffee at the very first Starbucks, and Leland marveled at the Gum Wall. On our way home we went through Portland, where we sampled the wares at Voodoo Doughnuts, hiked Multnomah Falls and explored the Oregon Caves.

Later that summer, we dragged the trailer to Lake Tahoe, where we stayed in historic Camp Richardson with the Krause-Lucidos. It was a memorable experience to park the 34’ trailer in the dense redwoods of the campground! We enjoyed swimming (brrr!), hiking, napping, eating ice cream and just hanging out.

In 2012, we had a couple of enjoyable trips at the beginning of the year—both to Disneyland and neither with the trailer! In January, we visited the Magic Kingdom to celebrate Leland’s 13^th birthday and to spend some time with George’s parents, his sister Lori and her husband Steve (visiting from England).

Then, in February, George, Leland and I returned to watch Natalie and the SHS Marching Band in the Disneyland Main Street Parade. It was awesome! It gave me chills to watch the band make its way down Main Street, with Sleeping Beauty’s castle in the background—and of course the trombones led the parade! Natalie stayed with the band and with her friends most of the time, so it was a unique experience for George, Leland and me to be on our own—without her. Shades of things to come, perhaps?

Sad News
We’ve had to say goodbye to too many, it seems, beginning with our cat, Missy, in March 2010. She was only 12 but suffered from kidney disease, and we were sad to lose her. Our other cat, her brother Mister, is still lonely without her, but he’s hanging in there at 14, even though he has “digestive issues” (don’t ask J you really don’t want to know!).

Last year, our family suffered a tragic loss when my niece Cathy died at the age of 37. Caught in the downward spiral of addiction for many years, she was never able to find her way out. Her sudden though not entirely unexpected death ended our hopes for her recovery and leaves us all, especially her children (Brittany, Jaden and Autumn, then 18, 9 and 8), without a sense of closure or understanding. It’s hard to reconcile her decisions and actions—the person she became—with the cute, happy, impish, scrappy girl she had been before the drugs. God granted Cathy some grace at the end and a measure of peace to her two youngest children. Cathy spent time with them in her last weeks, even attending Good Friday services and taking communion with them on the day of her passing. Brittany had lived in Oregon with her father for many years and is now on her own; we’re so proud of her. And Jaden and Autumn have been in the loving custody of my sister, Vicki, for nearly 6 years now.

And in late 2011, we bid a fond farewell to Merrielle’s mother, Mrs. Krause, at age 85. As many of you know, Merrielle and I have been BFFs since kindergarten, some 43 years ago. It was very poignant to attend her services at Northminster Presbyterian, where I had spent so many Sundays with the Krause family as a child. I was honored to be called the “5^thDaughter” by Mrs. Krause, and her passing marks the end of an era.

Trying Times
Then in the spring, my sister Vicki was diagnosed with a very rare and aggressively growing cancer. She had a team of wonderful doctors at Stanford, where she had major surgery followed by chemotherapy. And she was well cared for at Community Hospital of the Monterey Peninsula during her extensive radiation treatments. She finished her last treatment in October and is now in remission! My heartfelt gratitude goes out for the prayers, meals for Vicki and the kids and all-around support. In the summer, during the height of Vicki’s treatment, we chose to stay close to home, venturing out in our RV only on Labor Day weekend to Paso Robles.

 

Family Visits
While we didn’t travel in the summer, we were blessed by family visits. Brittany came down from Oregon in June to check in on her grandmother and introduce her girlfriend, Christina, to the Monterey Peninsula where Brittany grew up. Jaden and Autumn were thrilled to see their big sister, and we had lots of fun at the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk.

Then my Mills nieces and nephews from Oklahoma and their families descended in July. We enjoyed food, fun and fond memories—and we made some new ones. With 18 people all trying to reminisce at once, it was beautiful chaos, and we were sorry to see them leave.

On the Job Front
I am still with the same company, although we’ve gone through a huge rebranding effort and a minor name change. We are now “XL Group’s Design Professional unit” All told, I’ve been with the company for 16 years, and last year, I was promoted to Vice President of Marketing and Learning Management. My new title reflects the fact that I retained all of my duties in the education department and took on the additional responsibility of running the marketing department. It’s been challenging yet rewarding to manage such a diverse group of projects and people.

As you may recall, George started with HSBC in January 2006, and he’s enjoyed three distinctly different positions during his nearly seven-year tenure there: Unit Processing Manager; Senior Business Analyst and, most recently, Purchasing Agent. And he’s been on the day shift for so long now that we don’t really recall what it was like when he was on graveyards (Yeah!). However, Capital One bought the business unit on May 1^st of this year, and they threw a big party for the employees, complete with lots of CapOne branded swag, only to turn around on May 2^nd and announce that the company would be closing the Salinas facility by year-end. Talk about a roller coaster ride! So George has dusted off his résumé and is looking for work.

Other Endeavors

In July, I acted on the wild notion of starting a blog in homage to my mother, Mamie, and her wonderful cooking and thousands of recipes. I got off to a good start, but then life intervened with the kids going back to school and to all of their activities, not to mention the attendant carpooling. Add to that a couple of really huge projects at work, and my blog took a back, back burner. But now with two new eLearning courses launched on my Learning Management System at work, Natalie driving (thus helping with the carpooling), the end of fall sports and marching band, and the pleasure of getting this letter sent out—I am ready to return to the blog! You can look forward to an entry on Mamie’s “Mushroom Marinade California,” complete with the recipe and some tasty variations. Plus I hope to do a special Christmas cookie post (anyone hungry for Dream Bars?). You can find it at: http://inthekitchenwithmamie.blogspot.com

And if you’d like to see a collection of photos that span the lost years (2010 and 2011) you can click this link: http://mikatimes.blogspot.com/2012/12/the-lost-years-2010-2011.html

We hope this letter finds you and your family both well and happy.
And in closing we pray that you remain steadfast in faith, joyful in hope and constant in love –

Diane, and the rest of the Mika Family:
George, Natalie, Leland and Mister

The Lost Years - 2010 & 2011

Here's a photo collage of some memorable moments with the Mikas over 2010 and 2011:

George, Natalie & Diane @ Natalie's Cotillion "Graduation" - January 2010

Natalie & George Posing @ Cotillion

Father-Daughter Dance

Natalie as a flute player, February 2010

Autumn with cousins Sage and Levi - March 2010

Last photo of MIssy, with Leland - March 2010

George & Leland @ Leland's Arrow of Light Award Ceremony and Crossover to Boy Scouts - March 2010

Natalie, Lillian, Nick and Leland - Easter, April 2010

Boy Scouts @ the Big Sur Marathon Check-in - April 2010

In San Diego @ Mike Lockwood's
Change of Command Ceremony - May 2010

San Diego as Viewed from the Launch Craft

Commander Mike Lockwood

Leland and new friend on board

With the Lockwoods @ Sea World

Leland Playing in the Spreckels Spring Concert - May 2010

Spreckels Band - May 2010

Leland and his Saxophone - May 2010

Leland's Demonstration Project - May 2010

Leland & Wyatt and their Science Fair Project - May 2010

Leland & Wyatt Conducting Electricity - May 2010

Leland and friends at 5th Grade "Graduation" - June 2010

 

On the road to Yellowstone, we're bringing up the rear.
Can you spot the four rigs in front of us?
June 2010

Pulled over to change a flat just before reaching the Grand Teton Pass

In Jackson Hole, WY

Natalie & Leland @ Grand Teton National Park

All the Mika "kids" cozy and asleep in the bunk house

Natalie and Leland receiving their Junior Ranger Badges

Fishing in Yellowstone

A visit to Old Faithful

Hiking the canyons of Yellowstone

Monica & Diane

John & Sheila

The Conner Family

The Young Family

Mister Enjoying the Great Outdoors

Leland and Wyatt @ Camp Pico Blanco - July 2010

Natalie and friend @ Camp Artemis - July 2010

Natalie, Leland & Nice in Santa Cruz - July 2010

On vacation with the Krause-Lucidos, hiking in the Calaveras Big Trees - July 2010

Sal Lucido following Domenic and Leland

Sal and George

Sofia, Leland, Natalie & Domenic

Natalie, George & Merrielle

Leland & Diane @ San Joaquin National Cemetery - August 2010

Natalie and Kristin Conner in costume for Joesph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat - August 2010

George & Leland @ the Dolphins-Raiders Game - November 2010

Natalie's 15 1/4 Birthday

Natalie & Friends

Natalie & Friends

Steve, Leland & Lori

Natalie in Pep Band - November 2010

Natalie & Friends (and Leland) - November 2010

Natalie & Ryan - November 2010

Thanksgiving 2010

Nick & Natalie

George, Lisa & Lillian

Nick, Michael & Leland

George, Natalie & Matt

Natalie & Mr. Johnson @ Winter Concert - December 2010

 

Leland and friend @ Buena Vista Winter Concert - December 2010

Diane and Natalie - Christmas Eve 2010

Leland & George - Christmas Eve 2010

Around the Christmas Dinner Table - 2010
Lillian, George, Greg, Vicki, Jaden Leland, Tony, Natalie & George

Another Christmas Dinner Picture -- this time with Diane

Jaden and Autumn - December 2010

Here's what 2011 looked like:

George Sr. turns 70

Believe it or not...a Boy Scout 10 mile hike

Caving at Moaning Caverns

Buena Vista Spring Concert

SHS Varsity Swimming

Road Trip to the Pacific Northwest

Maroon 5 and Train Concert for Natalie's 15th Birthday

Lake Tahoe - August 2011

Natalie's Sweet 16

Camping at Halloweein in the Santa Cruz Mountains

Halloween 2011 at our House

Amy Farah Fowler and Sheldon Cooper

The Trombone Section

Buena Visto Winter Concert

Mister snuggled up with Leland

The three siblings at Thanksgiving